If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
where am i from again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
