Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
