hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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