Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
