i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
