Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
