Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize