its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
