he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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