Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
