You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
