He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize