i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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