You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
