Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
