Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
