Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
