I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
