You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
