I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
