i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
