I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
