I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
