You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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