woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
