So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
