I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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