You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
