it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
