pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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