It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
