dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
