the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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