Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
