Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Couch. On fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
