Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to stop coming to work sober
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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