Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
