I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
