There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
