Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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