My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
