After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
