I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
