You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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