Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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