Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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