I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
