I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
