That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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