i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
