I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
