So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My bed smells like the plague
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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