You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
