I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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