I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
