I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
