well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
