just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sarcasm needs its own font
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
