I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
