I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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