So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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