Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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