For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
