it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
