; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
