god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
