letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize