and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
