Where is the hickey?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
