just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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