apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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