it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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