So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
