You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
