he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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